"Dear God"...Letters from the Dog

These  excerpts are from actual letters composed by dogs (or in some cases of the less educated breeds, as dictated to their owners):

Dear God:  Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?  


Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? 


Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? 


Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog? 


Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. 
What do humans understand?  


Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. 


Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? 



Dear God: Life is very hard for me.  
Here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 
1.  I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or 
     after they throw it up. 
2.  I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because 
     I like the way they smell. 
3.  The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 
4.  The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 
5.  The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
6.  I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 
7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way 
     of saying 'hello'. 
8.  I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 
9.  I must shake the rainwater out of my fur 
     before entering the house - not after. 
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and 
      he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?